Friday, April 29, 2011

#30 You Repeat the meaning of the song. A Lot.

Stuff christian rappers like #30 Repeating the meaning of the song. A lot.

Everyone has seen this maybe once or twice. After a Hype or Party Song, the rapper in forced into a slower more meaningful song. Then here is where the magic happens...

Example: "This Song is about living for Christ." (Instrumental begins) "Yea man, i see alot of people not living for christ" (Preforms song) as the instrumental fades..."So like i said, people need to live for Christ."

-I deeed it.- Eli Porter


#29 Inviting yourself to someone else's church.

Stuff Christian Rappers like #29 Inviting yourself.

I have a big family. Many times during the holidays we invite people other than our family over to be amongst friends. But things get a little weird when WE don't invite you and YOU invite yourself. Luckily some of my family is Kinda saved, and they have no problem with throwing you out like Jazzy Jeff on fresh prince of Bel Air.

Much like the kinda saved family i have, I have people at my church called Ushers.

Youth Pastor's Classic Response to someone to who invites themselves to your church: "I'll Pray about it."

Works every time

Saturday, November 27, 2010

#28 Free things.

People love free things. i mean just announce that your giving a car away and you will attract hundreds of people. it's in our DNA. FREE=GOOD. Unfortunately not everything free is good.

Here's the thing if something is free, its either really GOOD or really BAD. No in between. if someone says ill do your album cover for free it could be amazing or look like something from the inside of a babies diaper. Well i guess in everything use discernment. or be able to just say no.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

#27 Never Obeying Time Slots.

Stuff Christian Rappers Like #27 Never obeying time slots.

I dont have the patience to create a hiphop event. but i will tell you this, i do have the confidence to
grab the mic after the 7 min set and tell you to leave. Quick story i have been at a concert where the artist had a 15 min set and preformed for 1 hour. People in the church started acting like Moses and singing "Let my People Go!"
This is an epidemic. I feel like we should buy watches for every artist. then we should tell them, they are not really that important we just needed to fill in the time slot. no offense.


#26 New york Accents.

Stuff Christian Rappers like #26 New York Accents

If you have ever heard the Phrase "Son". Example What up Son?
End any sentence with "Yo" at the end. Example- im starving,yo.
Or Call anyone "b". Example: what up, B?

you just might be a christian rapper. and also a year late.

-Love Martymar.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

#25 Don't Ask Don't Tell

Stuff Christian Rappers Like #25 Don't Ask Don't Tell.

It's always easy to say a song is horrible when you don't know the person who wrote it and spent time making it. Its another story when the person who made the song is someone who you know, and or do business with. In lies the unspoken rule of Don't Ask Don't Tell.
I mean it doesn't matter if the song is completely GARBAGE, it is almost impossible to tell the person you love. Its almost like when a girl you like gets a bad haircut, but she loves it. An Obviously you don't have the heart to break it to her and say it looks horrible but you hope for the best and maybe...just maybe someone neither of you know walks by and says...What the heck is on your head.

To all my comrades with bad music i salute you.

Monday, August 9, 2010

#24 Forgetting Merchandise

Stuff Christian rappers like like #24 Forgetting Merchandise

Lets be honest. Regular artists make money off Touring. Christian Artists do not. If you do bring them, they are just getting paid gas money. Now there are exceptions. So how does a Christian Artist make money? CD SALES! if you don't sell Cd's you are probably not making any money. So why would you forget bringing them to a concert? Nothing is worse than a show without some merchandise. Bring a Cd, a tape, sell me your instrumental CD you used to preform something i mean anything! Sheesh.

Rule #3 of Christian Music: Bring merchandise to sell.

if your wondering...
Rule #2 Don't wear long Tees.
Rule #1 actually make a CD.

#23 Being Broke...for Jesus.

Stuff Christian Rappers like #23 Being Broke For Jesus.

In the Words of Canton Jones "Some rather have Jesus than Silver or Gold/ i rather have Jesus and Silver and Gold." i can surely agree. The bible also says in "Money answers all things". I mean can we all agree, money is a good thing? honestly going on a date is better with money. Buying a car is better with money. Alot of people get it twisted and say money is the root of all evil. But that is not scriptural, its the love of money. Its not bad to have money, its only bad when the money has you. So can we all agree money is good?

I do it because i love you,

Saturday, July 3, 2010

#22 Christian Rapper inspired Clothing lines

Stuff Christian Rappers like #22 Christian rapper inspired clothing lines.

ok lets be honest wearing a Mc-Donald's shirt with the saying "He's loving me" is not a good look. i mean if you wear it, more power to you ese.

Rules to having your own HHH clothing like.
1. design the cheapest quality shirt as possible, so when you wash it in the wash machine most of the design will disappear.
2. Only have one shirt.
3. think of a name that you will have to explain to everyone who sees it.
4. Make sure you have none available at your concert. only the one you are wearing.

p.s I love you,

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

#21 Listening and Lying.

Stuff Christian rappers like #21 listening and Lying A.K.A Saying you listen to Secular Hip-hop "just to see what's new" but in reality you really like the music.

This is my favorite/greatest Stuff Christian rappers like Blog Post. Because everyone does it. Even if you say you don't, i bet you do. Lets be honest if you say, i listen to it for the beats than your an even worse. Just like i tell me kids i mentor You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be real.

-Exposing your inner secrets

#20 Using your Girlfriend as a singer.

Stuff Christian Rappers Like #20 Using your girlfriend on a track

Just looking at this title makes me laugh. Off the top i can tell you i know 7 people who have done this already. This is the "ultimate Pick-up" lines for a Rapper. Whether they sound like ehhh, or sound good it doesn't really matter, because you love them. This is the "classic trap". Because if they are horrible you have just vouched for this person. But don't worry no one will tell you they suck, we all have to play along...until you break up.

My advice make it a bonus track.

-yours truely

# 19 Predestination

Stuff christian Rappers Like #19 Predestination.

Now off the bat i will not share my personal view of Predestination, but i will tell you this has probably been argued once or twice in a Christian Hip-Hop Circle. I don't know why Rappers Love this topic of Conversation, Personally i think its a stupid argument that will get you no where, and probably doesn't really matter. But this topic makes people so heated!!! Please don't ask me about it i will walk away from you, and then point at you from afar with my friends.

P.S. Do not write me/email/twitter/phone call/telegram me, i will not read it.


Monday, June 7, 2010

#18 Horrible Rap Names (Guest Editor Nina Del)

Stuff Christian Rappers like #18 Horrible Rap Names

I’ve been listening to Hip-Hop since I was a tot eating pop rocks and drinking yoo-hoos. But that’s neither here or there until Christian Hip-Hop smacked me in the face at age 12. I must admit the first 3 albums I bought were sheer garbage, leaving me to illegally download Nas quicker then Napster was shut down.

Luckily, I went to RapFest and did some research and found that all the really great artists at the time couldn’t be bought in stores. The Corey Reds, the DJ Frankie Cutlass’, the Tunnel Rats were all too underground. Then there were the artists that 13 years later I’ve had to take a double take because I swore I’ve heard them before. I’m talking about the unoriginal Christian Rappers that name themselves Chosen, Redeemed, Blessed, Witness, Forgiven, Servant and any other noun found in the 66 books of the Bible.

Throughout the years I’ve seen different variations of these oh so clever names by adding a cup of spiffy to the mix. Chosen turns into Chozen, Forgiven turns into 4Given, Servant turns into Survent, etc. etc. Not to mention adding the lovely young and lil’ before it for extra kick.

A little played out? I really don’t understand! There’s tons of other goodness in the Bible that has yet to be used but here’s just one in order to help my ‘beloved’ Christian Rappers out.

“ite” - Ite’s have been jumping since Noah’s boys so why not continue on with the trend? Hamites, Japhethites, Jebusites, Ammorites...add that ite to the end of your name and watch your album sales increase by 20. Trust me.


Monday, May 31, 2010

# 17 rap group

Stuff Christian Rappers like #17 Rap Groups

I love rap groups, like i say the more the merrier. you might not know it but you could be in a rap group right now. You dont even have to rap, it could just happen. so i have simplified this group and created "6 people you might find in a rap group"

1. The Singer/Rapper- now many people might know to have a successful group you MUST have a Singer/rapper.

2. The Producer/Rapper- He is always the best rapper of the group, and always has a solo song on the cd.

3. The Friend- He's not a rapper,well kinda. this guy happened to be hanging out when the group started and he was there from the groups conception and no matter how bad he sounds your now stuck with him why? because he's your friend and you love him.

4. The Girl- You have to have one of these, it opens your market by 75%.

5. The show off- This guy always has to be first on every song. He usually wears sunglasses in the booth. Also he stands in the middle while preforming every song and wont move.

6. The Rapper- This guy just raps, doesn't make any choruses. Just raps.

if you happen to fit in any of these categories you might be in a Christian rap group.

#16 theChristian Re-mix

Stuff christian rappers like #16 theChristian re-mix.

One of the first christian rap songs i have ever heard was a remix of Cam'ron's "Hey Ma" it was by a HHH group that will remain nameless but i remember the song was called "Hey God". I never really understood why they did it, But i knew it was dumb. After vigorous study luckily i figured out the way to do it. So im going to break it down for you.

1- Popular instrumental
2- need to repeat a popular line from the song with changed lyrics.
3- keep the chorus, change the words. (example: laying=praying rifle=bible)
4- act like you made it

With all this said, you too can make a Christian re-mix to any song. Enjoy.

current songs being destroyed: Forever:// empire state of mind:// anything by lil' wayne.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

# 15 Beef with an actual rapper.

Stuff Christian Rappers like # 15 Beef with an actual rapper.

remember in high school when someone would talk trash about someone else who was not even in the room? this is kinda the same thing. Christian rappers love to start beef with actual rappers who probably have no intention on even listening to them. just think about it, how many rappers talked about Jay-z after empire state of mind? or maybe even after he named himself "hova"? to me this is a waste of time. Beef is a waste of time, a publicity stunt if you will. what will we see next Christians battling each-other on who knows God better? actually i would like to see that. just saying.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

#14 9 month rule.

Stuff christian rappers like #14 9 month rule.

If you dont understand what the "9 month rule" is let me explain. (no its not the number of months until you can use auto-tune) Have you ever seen a christian rapper cd ever come out on time? No. usually the date will say june 8,2010. Unfortunately the cd wont come out until next year around may. And if my discernment is correct you only have 4 songs done. My favorite is when a rapper drops a single and doesn't come out with an album until 3 years later, and when you hear it on the album you immediately say "oh, i remember this song i got it on rapzilla for free download". So to keep everyone happy lets just use the "9 month rule" and call it even.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

#13 7pm Concerts.

Stuff Christian Rappers like #13 7pm concerts.

You know your a christian rapper if your concert starts at 7.00 pm. Its a fact. no explanation needed.

#12 wearing Sun Glasses, inside.

Stuff Christian Rappers like #12 wearing Sun Glasses, inside.

Nothing Bothers me more than being inside, and someone wearing Sunglasses. Now honestly there is nothing you can say that will change my opinion, i dont know if you want to look "cool" but it makes you look like a goof. Sun glasses hence the first part SUN is for the sun outside, and not for the 80 gigawatt bulb inside. But Christian rappers love this, honestly this is how i spot them out now a days.

Myth:2/5 people who wear sunglasses inside are Christian Rappers.
Fact:3/5 people who wear sunglasses inside are Christian Rappers.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

#11 Hating on Reyking

Stuff Christians Like #11 Hating on ReyKing

I mean there is nothing to really say. You guys already know. (HAHHHAHAAAAA Rey King Laugh)

#10 Talking, alot.

Stuff Christian Rappers like #10 Talking, alot.

In my day i have got alot of Hate emails, Dm's, phone calls, yelling in my face while im sitting with my family moments. I used to get that adrenaline feel, like when you get in trouble and the teachers call your parents, but sadly i am now used to it. I kinda enjoy these moments but now ive grown cold to people's opinions. This is how it usually happens, I say something then later on someone comes with a scripture and a reason why i shouldn't of said that. My first thought is "why do you care?" and "do you really think this will make me stop?". Christian Rappers love to talk, alot. My favorite is when they prove your scripturally wrong by taking another scripture out of context in which i reply "I pray about it" and never do because i dont want to waste Gods time and mine.

Friday, April 30, 2010

# 9 Free Beats

Stuff Christian rappers like #9 Free beats

If there is one thing christian rappers love its Free Things, Its like seeing a fat kid at a icecream parlor when the freezer breaks. Understandably as a christian artist there is a misconception that because we are all christians, everything should be free. Those are the type of people we call "Hand outs". There is only two reasons you would be a hand out: First Your Ignorant. Second your Cheap. Now it's different if you have a relationship with someone and you ask them, and another to want a producer's work for free. Usually if you want someone's beats for free, even if you got it you wouldn't use it anyway. Here's the answer to the problem i think could help. Work=money=beats=fun.

#8 unorganized Performance Cd's

Stuff christian Rappers like #8 Unorganized Performance Cd's

I have had the privilege to preform at many places, and to have many musicians come to my church to preform a couple songs for the youth group. One thing you can not escape the Unorganized Performance Cd" (UPC). I love when the rapper starts the show and screams to the sound-man "drop track number 6!" then after that "Dj hit number 2 on that cd." The best though is when the artist gets mad at the sound man for playing the wrong track, or when he forgot the track number of his cd and says "wait wait stop that, wrong track!". Organization is fun, and we are all guilty of this unorganized deed, but one thing is for sure God Bless the sweet volunteer sound-man in the back.

We love you sweet volunteer sound-man. We love you.

#7 Saying "Let's chop it up"

Stuff that Christian Rappers like #7 saying "Let's chop it up"

As many people know i am not very "in shape",(well i kinda take the shape of a oval)I love some good food. I come from a family where eating is not just a meal its an EVENT. So when someone comes up to me and says, "Lets Chop it Up" my mind instantly goes to chicken. But for Christian rappers this is not the case, they are not talking about eating chicken they just want to talk. My first experience when someone said "let's chop it up" i thought they meant lets make dinner or maybe a mob hit. I do not understand where this phrase comes from, but i can tell you one thing don't ever say "lets Chop it up" in front of a cop, because my house was investigated and i had to explain to the officer it's just a saying, i don't do drugs.

# 6 John Piper

Stuff Christian Rappers like #6 John Piper

A love for John Piper sprouted up in Holy Hip Hop almost over night, like starbucks on my block. One day im minding my own business the next im drinking coffee at 9pm and i dont even drink coffee. Now i have to admit i have 3 books from John Piper because he is an amazing writer/pastor. But where did this come from? On top of that we love him so much that he even has a fake twitter called FakeJohnPiper. Well like the old saying goes if you cant fight them join them.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

# 5 song titles that sound un-christian.

Stuff Christian rappers like #5 Song titles that sound unchristian

We obviously know the world is a horrible place that makes money off peoples misfortunes and illicit behavior, but in the madness of the world comes a idea which could catch you off guard. The song that is titled to sound like a secular song but is really instead a Christian song for instance: "addicted", "drunk like Noah", "high like a angel" or even "in the club bottle full of scriptures." My opinion get people to Jesus anyway you can, but please be responsible.

#4 saying "dont look at me"

Stuff Christian Rappers like #4 saying "don't look at me"

I love going to concerts, from rock to Hip-hop i love the feeling of seeing people do what God has called them to do. Unfortunately at probably 4/5 shows i hear a artist say "don't look at me, look at God" right before preforming their hit song "Im going to do me for God". I understand where you are coming from, and i would like to inform you that sadly we have to see your face. If you didn't want people to see your face maybe you could preform in the bathroom. But until we can get the mic from ringing and the echo down you will have to preform in front of a live audience. Let me offer a quick solution to your "invisible man" dilemma, maybe it would be a better idea if you didn't sign a cd after service (Just kidding) but, honestly living the example of Jesus on and off the stage is the solution for the many people who look up to you for your gifts and talents. Showing people this is who i really am I feel goes farther than just telling people "don't look at me". Because inevitably they are going to look.

#3 Fake Record Labels.

Stuff Christian Rappers like #3 Fake Record labels.

Just by saying "Luv for the king records", "1way 2heaven", "Muzik 4 Him records" does not make you a record label. Unfortunately i hear constantly more and more artist imply they are apart of a record label that is merely just a figment of their imagination. What makes a real record label? Well off the top of my head I think: lawyers, money, management, distribution, support, contracts. If you lack any of these i would question if you are under a real label or just a phrase with "records" attached to the end of it. Although it sure does feel good to be apart of something special, I would make sure that they actually have support because if not you could of made an verbal agreement to "For sho records".

#2 Fake Parental Advisory's.

Stuff christian rappers like #2 Fake Parental Advisory's.

As a young man growing up in the suburbs of south florida, occasionally my mother and I would go shopping at Wal-mart. she would stroll down the aisles for things we needed at the house, as I ran as fast as i could to the electronics section to video games and to browse their 2 aisles of cd's they had available. Once as i looked at the Gospel music section which is about 1/6 of a row on the cd shelf in the left corner next to the latin music side i found a Christian Hip-hop mix. As i raced down the aisle of wal-mart i looked for my mother for a purchase of this newly found cd. As i found my mother i quickly responded with my petition for this gospel rap cd, but unto my dismay she pointed to the corner of the Cd which read: "Parental Guide explicit salvation", which she thought said "Parental guide Explicit content". I then told her what it really said, and we proceeded to the checkout line. I dont know why to this day i still see that little sign on HHH cd's but i do know this. It helps no one and kinda looks dumb.

#1 Incorrect spelling.

Things Christian Rappers Like #1

Not correctly spelling words or names.

In my journey of Christian Music I have met alot of great people. Some people are not(no names), but for the most their are some great people. I support them by going out to their shows, maybe even buying a cd of itunes or even once pre-ordering their music. But i do have a couple pet-peeves that erk me, and one of them is misspelling. Now i never majored in English but i know that "music" is not supposed to be spelled "Muzik". I do not know if it is for winning the lost, but on many occasions i meet people with misspelled names, songs, or record labels. somebody tell me why do we insist of spelling incorrectly? I don't think for the most part telling me your apart of 4real luv records is in anyway professional.

Other common misspelled words: lil', yung, crozz, cuz, rymz, actually anything that ends in K and a Z.